Selfless Faith

Hi everyone, I am sorry that I have so far behind! Last week was a little bit of a struggle honestly.  We were learning about Spiritual Warfare, but we were watching a video series, and I was having a really hard time.  I learned a lot, but watching teachers on a screen is not quite the same as having someone teach you in real life.  I really want to share with you all something God has been putting on my heart though.  There is this idea of "selfless faith" that keeps popping and working it's way into my life.  Over the last few weeks, I’ve been really trying to figure out exactly what that means though.  I originally heard the phrase in the song Hosanna.  Ive probably sang that line a hundred times and never thought about what exactly that means, but a few weeks ago we were singing it in worship and I kid you not I felt like I ran into a brick wall.  My voice caught in my throat and I just stood there with those words on my tongue.  Selfless faith.  And I could not for the life of me decide what exactly all of that entailed.  Is it blind trust and obedience? Going into a Nirvana-like state of worship where all sense of self is eliminated? (I figured that probably wasn't it.)  But I really wrestled with that concept during worship that night, and for the next few days I could not for the life of me get those words out of my head.  It was like a soundtrack that constantly played in the back of my mind.  "Selfless faith, selfless faith, selfless faith.  What exactly does that mean? What does it entail? How can I have it? Selfless faith, selfless faith, selfless faith...." and so on.  I asked God a few times what exactly he was trying to tell me, but with no obvious answer forthcoming, I figured that I would figure it out when it was time and left it at that.  Then it came up during one of our intercession times.  We were supposed to be praying for our generation, and during our prayers the overarching theme of what everyone felt like God was speaking to them happened to be parts of the Song Hosanna, specifically the idea of selfless faith.  Now, as you can well imagine, I am sitting in my seat listening to everyone talking about what they felt like the Lord was telling them, growing progressively more uncomfortable and squirmy as their revelations were eerily similar to what I had already been kind of talking to God about.  Well talk about a kick in the pants, I *somehow* managed to discern (please note my obvious sarcasm here) that this whole selfless faith idea was kind of a thing I needed to not be blowing off.  So I started really seeking the Lord.  But once again, I didn’t really hear much from him.  So I kind of let it drift to the back of my head.  Then this week, I had to give a sermonette (which is really just a short 10 minute sermon).  I kept asking God what he wanted me to talk about, and I just kept thinking, I really wish I knew what I'm supposed to know about Selfless faith…  So the week moved on and Thursday kept drawing closer and I still had no idea what I was going to talk about.

Tuesday Night, Ramona talked in our community night about the fear of the Lord and the whole time it was just hitting me.  I knew this message was meant for me.  I wasn’t necessarily convicted by it, but the concept intrigued me.  I’d always had a hard time understanding what fearing the Lord meant, I think I had somehow made it synonymous with respect in my brain.  Ramona however, defined it as understanding and believing that the Lord is going to do exactly what he says he will AND caring more about God’s opinion than mans.  That really stuck.  The other thing she said that I think I probably wrote down about 4 different times in my notes is that “anything of great value comes at a great price.”  This new definition was so different than my previous understanding that it really stuck with me and made me think a lot.  The next morning, Greg talked to us in class about servanthood.  This also really stuck with me.  Ive been kind fascinated by the idea of “servant leadership” and having a servant’s heart since I first heard the terms in middle school from Brandon Berg, my very first youth leader.  But as a result sermons on being a servant and having a servant’s heart always catch my attention.  Somewhere in the midst of listening to these two amazing and highly anointed speakers, I remember thinking “What the heck am I going to talk about on Thursday morning??”

            So Wednesday night, I went and sat on my floor and I started to pray.  I said “God, I need you to tell me what to talk about to.  I need a topic and three points.”  With the radio silence I got for an answer, I decided a shower was the next best course of action.  In the middle of washing my hair, I suddenly understood.  I knew what selfless faith meant.  So even though I suddenly understood it in my head, I needed 3 main points to teach about if I was going to use it for my sermonette in the morning, so in the midst of washing soap out of my eyes (epiphanies are rather startling things), I told the Lord exactly that.  And so by the time I got out of the shower I had my outline complete and I just needed to fill in the holes.  It was pretty cool.  So I put on my comfy clothes and headed upstairs to hide away and work.  That isn’t the end of it though, after working on my points I realized that my original points had morphed into Selfless faith is (A) not about you. (B) Its about being a servant and (C) fearing the Lord.  The very things Greg and Ramona talked about.  I wouldn’t have been able to understand what the Lord was trying to teach me even close as well without having heard those two sermons.  And its weird, because Alex got sick for a week and he was the first person to give his talk, as a result of him being ill we all had our sermonettes pushed back a week.  God works in mysterious ways huh?

All My Love,

Ali